我的交际圈从某种意义上来说很大. 因为我有来自世界各地的朋友, 欧洲, 北美洲, 亚洲. 而从另一种意义上来说, 我的交际圈小的可怕. 我的人人只有97个好友, 保持联络的只有区区十几个. 一回到上海, 或者说中国, 这种狭窄就越来越清晰.
在上海我认识的只有我的初中同学, 现在有一个已经永远的, 绝对性的失去了联络. 可是虽然我们已经分道扬镳, 我仅有的交际圈却与其有着千丝万缕的联系. 在我对一个失恋的朋友表示关心之前, 突然意识到我的关心会跟他的关心出现在同一个界面, 为了同一个理由, 因为同一个人. 我觉得这个时候对朋友的关心瞬间变得苍白. 我只能关闭窗口, 因为我已经不能再看他的头像多一秒钟.
2011年11月17日星期四
I'm not.... I'm just Chinese.
HAHA this is a funny topic.
Today I was exercising and watching TV after supper. As I was watching this TV show, which I did not remember the name of, I saw the slogan of " I am not squinting, I'm just Korean." Well, I found it a little bit offensive and rude. Think about it, if I was a korean girl, I would never like anything like that to be on a national show, not to mention that I have a really good Korean friend.
But this part did cause me to meditate a little. As I continued doing my Yoga ish movements, I was wondering what would have the slogan be if the topic was "Chinese"!? So I asked my lovely host father Ed: "Hey Ed, what would you say if the sentence became ' I am not blablabla, I am only Chinese' ''? He moved his eyebrows into a " I am thinking really hard" mood, and said: " I think ' I am not squinting, I am only Chinese' works too"!
I was so mad...........So I hit my American host father and ran away. HAHA I am abusive, extremely!!
But I really hate that sentence. As a Chinese girl, I would like the sentence to be " I am not cute, I am just Chinese."
My lovely American high school life is at the tail end right now. Hope time slows down somehow.
2011年10月15日星期六
Unbeliever's Prayer
I just finished a fascinating, yet sad book.
I feel so luck that I joined Reading Team last year and continued doing it this year. It seems like all the things I did for reading team are ways for me to find this life guiding book, Death Be Not Proud.
When reading the book, I had a dream about my brother. In the dream, he died of cancer young. How can I describe my feelings in the dream. Those were despairing, destructive, and deadly emotions that almost chocked me alive in my dream. I used to think that I could live just fine without my brother. But now I find myself stupid. I can never live and be complete without my brother. We shared our blood, our heritage, our parents, our home, everything. Now I just discovered that we share our lives too. Thank whomever out there for this realization.
All the time I hated wasting time. But meanwhile I am also the biggest procrastinator I've ever seen in my life. My minds and thoughts were always contradicting, always confusing, rarely being free. My english teacher once told me that if I could only gather my thoughts, I would do great on at least my essays.
Now a feeling of guilt and shame is running back and forth in my heart. I have most of my time, more importantly, most of my life wasted away by procrastinating while millions of people desiring for a tomorrow. Stupid me. Too prodigal on wasting my precious time.
I love the book. My face was always in meditating mood reading the book and kept the deepness and solemnness afterwards. I love Johnny. He fascinated me with his intelligence and his strength. But the ultimate reason is that he slapped on my face effectively, for all the time I had wasted, wasted, and wasted.
As an unbeliever of God, I am extremely fond of his own prayer. And I will end this paragraph by placing the prayer below:
Almighty God
forgive me for my agnosticism,
For I shall try to keep it gentle, not cynical,
not a bad influence.
And O!
if Thou art truly in the heavens,
accept my gratitude
for all Thy gifts
and I shall try to fight the good fight. Amen.
---by John Gunther. JR.
May, 1946
2011年9月1日星期四
Back to America
After a long and eventful summer, I took this 31-hour flight and flew into Johnstown.
I had some emotions going on during my flight. It is hard for me to hold my tears I dont even know why I was crying coz i thought things happened wouldn't affect me any more. I guess that i was wrong. It was a feeling that i had never felt before and i certainly dont want to feel it again in the future.
Although the flight was not all exciting and nice, I feel good to come back to school. I love my schedule as a senior. My friends and teachers are glad to see me, not looking at me thinking that the hell is she doing here???!!HAHA it's funny for me to say something unpleasant about myself.
So why sad?? Cheer up!
2011年4月4日星期一
At the beginning of April
First I want to talk about my Toefl test. I did just fine on my Toefl test, which was 100 out of 120. I am not as glad or excited as I was when I clicked my ETS account. So I think I better write my reaction down before I forget it! For some reason which I had mentioned before I didn't really review for my test, so even though I was praying for a nice grade, deep in my heart the failure was always the option. You can imagine what a wonderful surprise it was to me when I knew that i did a good job without reviewing for the test!!! However, that is a lot to worry about. I felt regretful after taking the test because I thought I messed it all up, especially the speaking part. Honestly I did mess up the speaking part and the writing part, other than that, I did just fine. Happy!! Congratulations to myself!!<3<3<3
Now here comes the most important part, which is my musical Bye Bye Birdie at Bishop McCort High.
Looking back at the beginning of my musical, I feel so lucky that I had never thought about quitting it this year. Because if I did so I would never have made friends with my best friends in America!
I remember I was a little worried about going to the musical practices everyday not only because they are really long and time-consuming, but also because I was afraid that I was going to sit all by myself watching other people talking to their friends and having fun. That was the biggest concern of mine at the time. So one day I went to the musical practice after school and talked to Olivia, and everything changed amazingly and forever. I met all these wonderful kids and became good friends with them and OH MY GOSH I could not say enough about how much fun I had with those guys and how much I love them because it is all countless and invaluable. I think and I will miss them during summer in China, I just know it.
SO back to musical, I loved it. The practice was always hard and tiring. we had to do one song for millions of times and still failed to do it right; we had to remember the dancing part and the lyric part together and messed everything up and do them again and again; we had to ...... We had to do so many things that it makes me so proud of my cast and myself that finally after all the ups and downs we made it! We really broke a leg!! Last Monday was our first make-up rehearsal, I was very excited and somehow a little bit nervous. I don't know why though, maybe it was because it felt like it was a real show. Here comes a funny part. During telephone hour, which is a song of our musical, I was laughing during the whole scene and could not sing a word, not even A WORD! I was so crazy that I even messed up my steps and everything and I think I stepped on Olivia's foot, too. Later I asked her if she felt it she said no, I think she was nervous at that time as well so that she didn't even pay attention to her foot. I get excited by typing the things happened during musical =D
Last Thursday we did our first show. It was packed. I was in fan club so I had to go on stage to sing a little love song to Conrade with my friends and we were extremely nervous. We were holding each other's hands and tell each other nothing was a big deal, yet we were shaking altogether. I loved it! We went on the stage eventually and we sang our little love song perfectly and we pretended that we felt peaceful and professional. After the auditorium door was closed, we were jumping and screaming without sounds and scuttled down to the changing room and told everybody that we did it and we loved it. That was amazing. I could hardly forget that part. Even though we had some technical problems, I was so sure and confident that we did an awesome job through the reaction from the audience. " Oh my gosh they loved our show!!!" " YEAH!!!!!"
We thanked our teacher and directors for the hard work they had done for us and for the show on Saturday. Personally the show on Saturday was my favorite one because of the thanksgiving scene!! And we went to Megan's house for the cast party. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. However, the reason was not their excellent food or drink or the dance party. My favorite part was the incident after the Award section: "Slap That Bitch"! Seniors all stood up and led us to slap " those bitches", a little bit awkward. Don't take me wrong though, here comes the reason. The very next day was our last day of musical and after that we had another party with all the staff and parents. When MS.Mack hugged Mrs. K and cried for her leaving and her support, I saw Liz, one of the seniors, cry. I was touched. Even though we always say that we hate all the directors, we truly appreciate their hard work and their teachings. Liz's tears made me love my cast even more because from it I felt something called Spirit. I can still remember her shouting " slap that bitch" in her red McCort hoodie and her crying at the party, I think she is just so so so cute.
Oh there are so many things I want to say but failed to type them into words. There is a Chinese phrase saying:" There something which can only be understood through hearts." I think that should be applied here. I have too many things to say, yet I can not say a word; I have too many thanks to thank, yet I can only keep them in my heart; I have too much to tear, and I will let them settle down. I've always been hating to say love because I thought love was such a big word that it was not something i could understand or use easily. However, I found it is such a beautiful word that I should say it aloud when I feel it; that I should shout it to the people I love; that I should love my dearest people as solidly as my word is. I love my musical. I LOVE MY FRIENDS.
Now here comes the most important part, which is my musical Bye Bye Birdie at Bishop McCort High.
Looking back at the beginning of my musical, I feel so lucky that I had never thought about quitting it this year. Because if I did so I would never have made friends with my best friends in America!
I remember I was a little worried about going to the musical practices everyday not only because they are really long and time-consuming, but also because I was afraid that I was going to sit all by myself watching other people talking to their friends and having fun. That was the biggest concern of mine at the time. So one day I went to the musical practice after school and talked to Olivia, and everything changed amazingly and forever. I met all these wonderful kids and became good friends with them and OH MY GOSH I could not say enough about how much fun I had with those guys and how much I love them because it is all countless and invaluable. I think and I will miss them during summer in China, I just know it.
SO back to musical, I loved it. The practice was always hard and tiring. we had to do one song for millions of times and still failed to do it right; we had to remember the dancing part and the lyric part together and messed everything up and do them again and again; we had to ...... We had to do so many things that it makes me so proud of my cast and myself that finally after all the ups and downs we made it! We really broke a leg!! Last Monday was our first make-up rehearsal, I was very excited and somehow a little bit nervous. I don't know why though, maybe it was because it felt like it was a real show. Here comes a funny part. During telephone hour, which is a song of our musical, I was laughing during the whole scene and could not sing a word, not even A WORD! I was so crazy that I even messed up my steps and everything and I think I stepped on Olivia's foot, too. Later I asked her if she felt it she said no, I think she was nervous at that time as well so that she didn't even pay attention to her foot. I get excited by typing the things happened during musical =D
Last Thursday we did our first show. It was packed. I was in fan club so I had to go on stage to sing a little love song to Conrade with my friends and we were extremely nervous. We were holding each other's hands and tell each other nothing was a big deal, yet we were shaking altogether. I loved it! We went on the stage eventually and we sang our little love song perfectly and we pretended that we felt peaceful and professional. After the auditorium door was closed, we were jumping and screaming without sounds and scuttled down to the changing room and told everybody that we did it and we loved it. That was amazing. I could hardly forget that part. Even though we had some technical problems, I was so sure and confident that we did an awesome job through the reaction from the audience. " Oh my gosh they loved our show!!!" " YEAH!!!!!"
We thanked our teacher and directors for the hard work they had done for us and for the show on Saturday. Personally the show on Saturday was my favorite one because of the thanksgiving scene!! And we went to Megan's house for the cast party. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. However, the reason was not their excellent food or drink or the dance party. My favorite part was the incident after the Award section: "Slap That Bitch"! Seniors all stood up and led us to slap " those bitches", a little bit awkward. Don't take me wrong though, here comes the reason. The very next day was our last day of musical and after that we had another party with all the staff and parents. When MS.Mack hugged Mrs. K and cried for her leaving and her support, I saw Liz, one of the seniors, cry. I was touched. Even though we always say that we hate all the directors, we truly appreciate their hard work and their teachings. Liz's tears made me love my cast even more because from it I felt something called Spirit. I can still remember her shouting " slap that bitch" in her red McCort hoodie and her crying at the party, I think she is just so so so cute.
Oh there are so many things I want to say but failed to type them into words. There is a Chinese phrase saying:" There something which can only be understood through hearts." I think that should be applied here. I have too many things to say, yet I can not say a word; I have too many thanks to thank, yet I can only keep them in my heart; I have too much to tear, and I will let them settle down. I've always been hating to say love because I thought love was such a big word that it was not something i could understand or use easily. However, I found it is such a beautiful word that I should say it aloud when I feel it; that I should shout it to the people I love; that I should love my dearest people as solidly as my word is. I love my musical. I LOVE MY FRIENDS.
2011年3月17日星期四
2 Days Before Toefl
It is kind hard for me to believe that only 2 days later I will be doing my toefl test in Pittsburgh. Facing a major test that is relative to my future, I always feel a little bit panic. I still remember that during 8th grade, I was so afraid of the entrance test of high school for middle school students that I even had nightmares on the test!! So CRAZY!
I can not but face the reality. I have to do well on the test. I didn't doubt my ability of rocking the test earlier but now I can not be as confident as I was 2 weeks ago. Why? Literally speaking, one of the most major reasons is that I only get to take the test once. Or, I do not want to take the test, which lasts forever and ever, twice in a roll. Plus the expense is so high that I think it is kind ridiculous. Sadly, I only have the human rights to express myself. So as what Mrs. Brett would STRONGLY AGREE, one could not be interfered by others while making his or her or ITS own decisions, such as how much money ETS wants to charge millions of international students every year for taking the Toefl test.
What could be the other main reason for me to panic before the test? Let me think... Thinking......I am afraid that I am going to mess all up, especially the speaking part and the writing part. Even though I could always express myself in a relatively comfortable way, it is still hard for me to be prepared and be able to talk on a unfamiliar subject to a computer for 45 or 60 seconds. Not to mention that I did not even practice for it. HAHA funny Zheru. For the writing part, I have never written a good essay in English in my entire life, which directs to the lack of the usage of different words and phrases while writing an essay. SO these are two of my major problems. And I did not pay attention to them at all until now, at this very moment. OM lourd.
Plus, I don't even have a practice book of toefl!!!! Freaking out....
Anybody thinks that I have the ability to get 100+ on the test? NO ONE. okay, i have to have faith in myself, right?Right.
My very last word, Buddha please guide me.... 阿弥陀佛.
I can not but face the reality. I have to do well on the test. I didn't doubt my ability of rocking the test earlier but now I can not be as confident as I was 2 weeks ago. Why? Literally speaking, one of the most major reasons is that I only get to take the test once. Or, I do not want to take the test, which lasts forever and ever, twice in a roll. Plus the expense is so high that I think it is kind ridiculous. Sadly, I only have the human rights to express myself. So as what Mrs. Brett would STRONGLY AGREE, one could not be interfered by others while making his or her or ITS own decisions, such as how much money ETS wants to charge millions of international students every year for taking the Toefl test.
What could be the other main reason for me to panic before the test? Let me think... Thinking......I am afraid that I am going to mess all up, especially the speaking part and the writing part. Even though I could always express myself in a relatively comfortable way, it is still hard for me to be prepared and be able to talk on a unfamiliar subject to a computer for 45 or 60 seconds. Not to mention that I did not even practice for it. HAHA funny Zheru. For the writing part, I have never written a good essay in English in my entire life, which directs to the lack of the usage of different words and phrases while writing an essay. SO these are two of my major problems. And I did not pay attention to them at all until now, at this very moment. OM lourd.
Plus, I don't even have a practice book of toefl!!!! Freaking out....
Anybody thinks that I have the ability to get 100+ on the test? NO ONE. okay, i have to have faith in myself, right?Right.
My very last word, Buddha please guide me.... 阿弥陀佛.
2011年3月13日星期日
Holy aRt
It has been a long long long time since the last time I wrote on my blog. Well I think I am finally ready to write again.
Yesterday, being more specific, 3.12.11, Saturday, was a beautiful day. And I can't help hearing JOJO saying: beauteeeful, beauteeeful Saturday. I love JOJO. Just in case Devo might see this, Devo I love you too!!
Besides the excitement of going shopping with JOJO and Song on a beautiful Saturday morning, another thing made my day the most excellent one by far. That is I finally got my mommy Skype on her computer and we could finally talk to each other without my paying extra dollars!! This was really awesome since I always talk to her like crazyyyy.
So undoubtedly I wanted to show off my current art projects!
Yesterday, being more specific, 3.12.11, Saturday, was a beautiful day. And I can't help hearing JOJO saying: beauteeeful, beauteeeful Saturday. I love JOJO. Just in case Devo might see this, Devo I love you too!!
Besides the excitement of going shopping with JOJO and Song on a beautiful Saturday morning, another thing made my day the most excellent one by far. That is I finally got my mommy Skype on her computer and we could finally talk to each other without my paying extra dollars!! This was really awesome since I always talk to her like crazyyyy.
So undoubtedly I wanted to show off my current art projects!
Olivia!! My musical body. Honestly I 've never thought that I could have such good time in USA. lots of love!
KORN!!! i have to tell her that i ate corn today!!
Of course my mommy was amazed by the pictures just as I was. She is proud of me without a doubt! I am certainly proud of her too. She was so cute that she even asked if anybody wanted to buy them or not. OOHHHHHH i love her so much!!
After my chatting with my mom and my brother 咪咪, I suddenly had this idea of letting them meet JOJO. Why not? SO I did exactly what I wanted to do. And I love whenever they couldn't understand each other and I had to hold my laughters and tried to tell them what they were saying at the same time!! FUN FUN FUN! I could see after the short "interview" my mom was not as worried as she was before. She knew JOJO was an excellent host mother right away! My mom is a smart lady, just as JOJO said.
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